Barney can't replace Tonka

I had zero intention of actually getting a dog. She claims, I’ll feel worse if I give him to somebody else. Well, probably, but I’ll be able to stay in bed 24/7.

I feel horrible, depressed, and crying a lot.

No picture, I’m too lazy to take one with my camera. He likes scratching and whining at the door, if you don’t pay 100% attention to him.

Putting him in his crate, is worse, he throws a big fit. So, wiping your ass, you’ll hear him the entire time. I doubt he wants outside every time he does it, he doesn’t even need to go out every two hours, not at her house.

Everything I do with him, reminds me of Tonka.

At least, I have even less of an appetite now. The weight should keep coming off.

I know he doesn’t need to go out constantly, if you go to bed, he’s fine till 7 AM, the last time out around 8 PM. Didn’t even get off my bed. I closed the door though, so he doesn’t get in the trash while I’m sleeping.

He’s basically a rescue, from Texas. The shelter there was going to murder him. He has urine stains on his feet. The hair has to grow out, the groomer said. She had to shave most of his hair off, he had lots of mats.

The shelter we got him from, neutered him, but didn’t give him a bath before. They should of cleaned him up and shaved him. They didn’t ask for her to pay to adopt him, at his vet visit.

He’s going to her vet soon, also need to find out how much he weighs, and how much he’s supposed to. They said he weighs 12 pounds, who knows if that’s right.

If you ignore him, he might chew on his bone. I also moved his bed.

I’ll be going to bed early again, I barely slept. I was worried about him getting up. I did go back to bed after taking him out, for 3 or so hours.

Not to mention, she said she might not be alive in 30 years. She reminded me nobody lives forever, currently. My life will 100% suck when she dies. Nobody else cares about me as much as her. Typing that, resulted in crying. And she claims I don’t love her. Do you cry if somebody dies and you don’t love them? I can’t imagine her dying in 30 years, would bother me, if I didn’t love her.

There’s no way to walk a different way, I still have to exit my door, and go down the hallway. I guess I could jump out the window, that wouldn’t end well. And, then I’d be somewhere I walked Tonka. So, that wouldn’t work either.

The doctor, claims it’s common to feel this way when getting a dog after one dies. And claims I’ll feel better as time goes by. Maybe, I didn’t say how bad I feel.

It’s as bad as the first time I went to the nut house. Well, the time I was there for 3 months, as an adolescent. It’s not a feeling you ever want to feel. I thought getting a dog was supposed to be happy. I just get regret, that I didn’t walk Tonka that much, that is long walks. I couldn’t keep her at home at the end.

Also, regret for doing nothing on the family vacation to Newport, Oregon. I was sick, but I still should of done more. Barely got any pictures. My grandpa is dying, so there won’t be another family vacation with him. Grandma might have something wrong with her too.

Good way to live your life, regret. You’ll get absolutely nothing done.